"It's not like somebody picked you for the job nobody wants."

"Do you want to be 'Googled' on your terms?"

"I'm going to travel there by airliner which is what I call my bus."

"Things have escalated dramatically in the toilet wars."

"You have a bald spot in your fur pants."

"Oh, wait! I have an idea to solve the giraffes don't have arms problem."

"Nothing says raw sex appeal like a dude in a tiara."

"That's not a logo, it's a collage."

"These grudges aren't going to hold themselves."

"She puts the sin in synergy."

"She worked like a hog, like a horse, like a hog-horse...Or whatever."

"I think we're almost ready to get completely started on that."

"That's about the tenth time someone's said Xanax to me this week."

"You really can't help but smile when someone is cursing yet pointing a possum at you."

"Sorry, it was the condensed grilled cheese, not the toasted."

"Every day I find more evidence for my theory that people never evolve past 6th grade."

"You just interpret the world around you completely differently."

"I just spit out my Jolly Rancher and I don't know where it went."

"Her fur is fantastic!"

"I would not buy a used toilet."

"She was professional, though. Just the one snort."

"I wish I had a bulldozer."

"Whenever you butt into someone else's business, your grass doesn't get any greener... or whatever."

"Are you good with a chainsaw?"

"Are you making this up?"

"I'm hot for bluegrass."

"What can we do that's not what we do?"

"A briefcase is just a smaller, purse-y suitcase."

"Just don't touch anything. That's your tutorial."

"I can ruin everything you like."

"There's some competition involved in being alive."

"These words mean nothing to me."

"We've got some pretty good straight-up chicken house photos."

"If it's free, there's something wrong with it."

"The common thread is absurdity."

"I mean, I'm all for pretending to be a squirrel wearing a bow tie on a bicycle, but there has to be a point."

"She's what I call a chaotic neutral. She's not unpleasant crazy, just crazy."

"You are not allowed to be in on the jokes anymore."

"I am woman, hear me craft."

"Oh, were you serious about that?"

"Hobby Lobby threw up in my trunk."

"That’s a real sentence I, a grown human person, typed as part of the thing I do to earn a living."

"You spell like a spammer."

"If you have enough alcohol in your system, nothing else can get in."

"I got caught in a clog mob on Halloween."

"She makes Eeyore look like Richard Simmons."

"How bout 20/20 hiney sight?"

"Christmas is a lifestyle, it doesn't abide by calendar dates."

"That's your thing...Logic."

"Kendal knocked the sticky note out for me."

"People who won't eat a sandwich, I don't trust them."

"That guy doesn't look real flexible to me."

"I love a good howdy."

"I'll be in charge of the balloon wall."

"That's a complicated mental flow chart."

"Q. Is there something cooking in here? A. Yes, a turkey."

"I'm sorry to squirrels."

"I'm getting beeped at from all directions."

"I'm a Kevin Federline fan."

"You don't have your receipt? Well you're just AOL."