"Kendal knocked the sticky note out for me."

"She puts the sin in synergy."

"I got caught in a clog mob on Halloween."

"You just interpret the world around you completely differently."

"It's not like somebody picked you for the job nobody wants."

"I wish I had a bulldozer."

"Hobby Lobby threw up in my trunk."

"You are not allowed to be in on the jokes anymore."

"How bout 20/20 hiney sight?"

"I mean, I'm all for pretending to be a squirrel wearing a bow tie on a bicycle, but there has to be a point."

"Q. Is there something cooking in here? A. Yes, a turkey."

"That guy doesn't look real flexible to me."

"A briefcase is just a smaller, purse-y suitcase."

"I would not buy a used toilet."

"Oh, wait! I have an idea to solve the giraffes don't have arms problem."

"She was professional, though. Just the one snort."

"She worked like a hog, like a horse, like a hog-horse...Or whatever."

"I'm getting beeped at from all directions."

"There's some competition involved in being alive."

"That's about the tenth time someone's said Xanax to me this week."

"I'll be in charge of the balloon wall."

"Things have escalated dramatically in the toilet wars."

"If you have enough alcohol in your system, nothing else can get in."

"I'm sorry to squirrels."

"What can we do that's not what we do?"

"That's your thing...Logic."

"Do you want to be 'Googled' on your terms?"

"I am woman, hear me craft."

"Christmas is a lifestyle, it doesn't abide by calendar dates."

"I can ruin everything you like."

"She makes Eeyore look like Richard Simmons."

"Her fur is fantastic!"

"Are you good with a chainsaw?"

"That’s a real sentence I, a grown human person, typed as part of the thing I do to earn a living."

"That's not a logo, it's a collage."

"We've got some pretty good straight-up chicken house photos."

"The common thread is absurdity."

"You have a bald spot in your fur pants."

"That's a complicated mental flow chart."

"Whenever you butt into someone else's business, your grass doesn't get any greener... or whatever."

"I'm a Kevin Federline fan."

"Just don't touch anything. That's your tutorial."

"Every day I find more evidence for my theory that people never evolve past 6th grade."

"I'm going to travel there by airliner which is what I call my bus."

"I think we're almost ready to get completely started on that."

"These words mean nothing to me."

"If it's free, there's something wrong with it."

"You spell like a spammer."

"I'm hot for bluegrass."

"These grudges aren't going to hold themselves."

"Nothing says raw sex appeal like a dude in a tiara."

"I just spit out my Jolly Rancher and I don't know where it went."

"She's what I call a chaotic neutral. She's not unpleasant crazy, just crazy."

"People who won't eat a sandwich, I don't trust them."

"You really can't help but smile when someone is cursing yet pointing a possum at you."

"I love a good howdy."

"You don't have your receipt? Well you're just AOL."

"Oh, were you serious about that?"

"Sorry, it was the condensed grilled cheese, not the toasted."

"Are you making this up?"