"Whenever you butt into someone else's business, your grass doesn't get any greener... or whatever."

"Are you good with a chainsaw?"

"Oh, were you serious about that?"

"Her fur is fantastic!"

"These grudges aren't going to hold themselves."

"I would not buy a used toilet."

"I think we're almost ready to get completely started on that."

"I'll be in charge of the balloon wall."

"If you have enough alcohol in your system, nothing else can get in."

"Just don't touch anything. That's your tutorial."

"I'm hot for bluegrass."

"You have a bald spot in your fur pants."

"I can ruin everything you like."

"There's some competition involved in being alive."

"You spell like a spammer."

"That's your thing...Logic."

"You don't have your receipt? Well you're just AOL."

"She worked like a hog, like a horse, like a hog-horse...Or whatever."

"I'm sorry to squirrels."

"A briefcase is just a smaller, purse-y suitcase."

"Christmas is a lifestyle, it doesn't abide by calendar dates."

"Nothing says raw sex appeal like a dude in a tiara."

"I mean, I'm all for pretending to be a squirrel wearing a bow tie on a bicycle, but there has to be a point."

"Do you want to be 'Googled' on your terms?"

"That's not a logo, it's a collage."

"Kendal knocked the sticky note out for me."

"We've got some pretty good straight-up chicken house photos."

"She puts the sin in synergy."

"Sorry, it was the condensed grilled cheese, not the toasted."

"I just spit out my Jolly Rancher and I don't know where it went."

"I'm getting beeped at from all directions."

"It's not like somebody picked you for the job nobody wants."

"She makes Eeyore look like Richard Simmons."

"I'm a Kevin Federline fan."

"That's a complicated mental flow chart."

"These words mean nothing to me."

"Things have escalated dramatically in the toilet wars."

"I wish I had a bulldozer."

"Hobby Lobby threw up in my trunk."

"That guy doesn't look real flexible to me."

"People who won't eat a sandwich, I don't trust them."

"You really can't help but smile when someone is cursing yet pointing a possum at you."

"That’s a real sentence I, a grown human person, typed as part of the thing I do to earn a living."

"She's what I call a chaotic neutral. She's not unpleasant crazy, just crazy."

"How bout 20/20 hiney sight?"

"I am woman, hear me craft."

"You are not allowed to be in on the jokes anymore."

"You just interpret the world around you completely differently."

"What can we do that's not what we do?"

"Are you making this up?"

"The common thread is absurdity."

"Q. Is there something cooking in here? A. Yes, a turkey."

"I love a good howdy."

"I got caught in a clog mob on Halloween."

"Oh, wait! I have an idea to solve the giraffes don't have arms problem."

"If it's free, there's something wrong with it."

"Every day I find more evidence for my theory that people never evolve past 6th grade."

"I'm going to travel there by airliner which is what I call my bus."

"That's about the tenth time someone's said Xanax to me this week."

"She was professional, though. Just the one snort."