"You just interpret the world around you completely differently."

"I think we're almost ready to get completely started on that."

"You don't have your receipt? Well you're just AOL."

"The common thread is absurdity."

"Things have escalated dramatically in the toilet wars."

"If you have enough alcohol in your system, nothing else can get in."

"I wish I had a bulldozer."

"She puts the sin in synergy."

"I just spit out my Jolly Rancher and I don't know where it went."

"Are you making this up?"

"Just don't touch anything. That's your tutorial."

"Every day I find more evidence for my theory that people never evolve past 6th grade."

"I got caught in a clog mob on Halloween."

"Her fur is fantastic!"

"That's your thing...Logic."

"Kendal knocked the sticky note out for me."

"Do you want to be 'Googled' on your terms?"

"You have a bald spot in your fur pants."

"We've got some pretty good straight-up chicken house photos."

"She's what I call a chaotic neutral. She's not unpleasant crazy, just crazy."

"That guy doesn't look real flexible to me."

"These grudges aren't going to hold themselves."

"That's a complicated mental flow chart."

"I love a good howdy."

"She worked like a hog, like a horse, like a hog-horse...Or whatever."

"I can ruin everything you like."

"You really can't help but smile when someone is cursing yet pointing a possum at you."

"I'm sorry to squirrels."

"You spell like a spammer."

"I mean, I'm all for pretending to be a squirrel wearing a bow tie on a bicycle, but there has to be a point."

"It's not like somebody picked you for the job nobody wants."

"I'm going to travel there by airliner which is what I call my bus."

"Oh, were you serious about that?"

"What can we do that's not what we do?"

"That's about the tenth time someone's said Xanax to me this week."

"Nothing says raw sex appeal like a dude in a tiara."

"People who won't eat a sandwich, I don't trust them."

"Q. Is there something cooking in here? A. Yes, a turkey."

"Christmas is a lifestyle, it doesn't abide by calendar dates."

"Sorry, it was the condensed grilled cheese, not the toasted."

"These words mean nothing to me."

"Whenever you butt into someone else's business, your grass doesn't get any greener... or whatever."

"She makes Eeyore look like Richard Simmons."

"Hobby Lobby threw up in my trunk."

"Are you good with a chainsaw?"

"I'm getting beeped at from all directions."

"How bout 20/20 hiney sight?"

"Oh, wait! I have an idea to solve the giraffes don't have arms problem."

"I would not buy a used toilet."

"You are not allowed to be in on the jokes anymore."

"I'm hot for bluegrass."

"If it's free, there's something wrong with it."

"I am woman, hear me craft."

"That’s a real sentence I, a grown human person, typed as part of the thing I do to earn a living."

"I'm a Kevin Federline fan."

"A briefcase is just a smaller, purse-y suitcase."

"There's some competition involved in being alive."

"She was professional, though. Just the one snort."

"I'll be in charge of the balloon wall."

"That's not a logo, it's a collage."