"She worked like a hog, like a horse, like a hog-horse...Or whatever."

"That guy doesn't look real flexible to me."

"That's a complicated mental flow chart."

"Every day I find more evidence for my theory that people never evolve past 6th grade."

"That's about the tenth time someone's said Xanax to me this week."

"I wish I had a bulldozer."

"I think we're almost ready to get completely started on that."

"That's your thing...Logic."

"I would not buy a used toilet."

"Q. Is there something cooking in here? A. Yes, a turkey."

"We've got some pretty good straight-up chicken house photos."

"You just interpret the world around you completely differently."

"Her fur is fantastic!"

"She was professional, though. Just the one snort."

"You spell like a spammer."

"I'm going to travel there by airliner which is what I call my bus."

"Just don't touch anything. That's your tutorial."

"Do you want to be 'Googled' on your terms?"

"She makes Eeyore look like Richard Simmons."

"How bout 20/20 hiney sight?"

"If it's free, there's something wrong with it."

"I'm sorry to squirrels."

"Hobby Lobby threw up in my trunk."

"That’s a real sentence I, a grown human person, typed as part of the thing I do to earn a living."

"Sorry, it was the condensed grilled cheese, not the toasted."

"Are you making this up?"

"I got caught in a clog mob on Halloween."

"There's some competition involved in being alive."

"The common thread is absurdity."

"I'm getting beeped at from all directions."

"Are you good with a chainsaw?"

"These words mean nothing to me."

"I can ruin everything you like."

"I am woman, hear me craft."

"You are not allowed to be in on the jokes anymore."

"You don't have your receipt? Well you're just AOL."

"These grudges aren't going to hold themselves."

"Things have escalated dramatically in the toilet wars."

"Nothing says raw sex appeal like a dude in a tiara."

"What can we do that's not what we do?"

"I'm hot for bluegrass."

"Oh, were you serious about that?"

"I just spit out my Jolly Rancher and I don't know where it went."

"Christmas is a lifestyle, it doesn't abide by calendar dates."

"Whenever you butt into someone else's business, your grass doesn't get any greener... or whatever."

"I love a good howdy."

"If you have enough alcohol in your system, nothing else can get in."

"People who won't eat a sandwich, I don't trust them."

"Kendal knocked the sticky note out for me."

"I mean, I'm all for pretending to be a squirrel wearing a bow tie on a bicycle, but there has to be a point."

"It's not like somebody picked you for the job nobody wants."

"I'm a Kevin Federline fan."

"She's what I call a chaotic neutral. She's not unpleasant crazy, just crazy."

"A briefcase is just a smaller, purse-y suitcase."

"Oh, wait! I have an idea to solve the giraffes don't have arms problem."

"That's not a logo, it's a collage."

"You really can't help but smile when someone is cursing yet pointing a possum at you."

"I'll be in charge of the balloon wall."

"You have a bald spot in your fur pants."

"She puts the sin in synergy."