"There's some competition involved in being alive."

"You just interpret the world around you completely differently."

"Sorry, it was the condensed grilled cheese, not the toasted."

"That's your thing...Logic."

"Are you good with a chainsaw?"

"Just don't touch anything. That's your tutorial."

"These grudges aren't going to hold themselves."

"It's not like somebody picked you for the job nobody wants."

"I'm going to travel there by airliner which is what I call my bus."

"I'll be in charge of the balloon wall."

"She was professional, though. Just the one snort."

"That's a complicated mental flow chart."

"I'm hot for bluegrass."

"That's not a logo, it's a collage."

"People who won't eat a sandwich, I don't trust them."

"Whenever you butt into someone else's business, your grass doesn't get any greener... or whatever."

"She makes Eeyore look like Richard Simmons."

"She worked like a hog, like a horse, like a hog-horse...Or whatever."

"Kendal knocked the sticky note out for me."

"You don't have your receipt? Well you're just AOL."

"If it's free, there's something wrong with it."

"Nothing says raw sex appeal like a dude in a tiara."

"The common thread is absurdity."

"Do you want to be 'Googled' on your terms?"

"I'm sorry to squirrels."

"Q. Is there something cooking in here? A. Yes, a turkey."

"You have a bald spot in your fur pants."

"I would not buy a used toilet."

"I think we're almost ready to get completely started on that."

"You are not allowed to be in on the jokes anymore."

"I'm a Kevin Federline fan."

"Christmas is a lifestyle, it doesn't abide by calendar dates."

"A briefcase is just a smaller, purse-y suitcase."

"That’s a real sentence I, a grown human person, typed as part of the thing I do to earn a living."

"Oh, were you serious about that?"

"I am woman, hear me craft."

"I'm getting beeped at from all directions."

"I mean, I'm all for pretending to be a squirrel wearing a bow tie on a bicycle, but there has to be a point."

"She puts the sin in synergy."

"I just spit out my Jolly Rancher and I don't know where it went."

"That guy doesn't look real flexible to me."

"Every day I find more evidence for my theory that people never evolve past 6th grade."

"She's what I call a chaotic neutral. She's not unpleasant crazy, just crazy."

"Hobby Lobby threw up in my trunk."

"I wish I had a bulldozer."

"If you have enough alcohol in your system, nothing else can get in."

"I love a good howdy."

"You spell like a spammer."

"Her fur is fantastic!"

"Are you making this up?"

"What can we do that's not what we do?"

"You really can't help but smile when someone is cursing yet pointing a possum at you."

"These words mean nothing to me."

"How bout 20/20 hiney sight?"

"I got caught in a clog mob on Halloween."

"We've got some pretty good straight-up chicken house photos."

"Oh, wait! I have an idea to solve the giraffes don't have arms problem."

"I can ruin everything you like."

"Things have escalated dramatically in the toilet wars."

"That's about the tenth time someone's said Xanax to me this week."