"You are not allowed to be in on the jokes anymore."

"People who won't eat a sandwich, I don't trust them."

"I think we're almost ready to get completely started on that."

"Every day I find more evidence for my theory that people never evolve past 6th grade."

"Do you want to be 'Googled' on your terms?"

"That's your thing...Logic."

"I'll be in charge of the balloon wall."

"Hobby Lobby threw up in my trunk."

"I got caught in a clog mob on Halloween."

"Kendal knocked the sticky note out for me."

"I am woman, hear me craft."

"I just spit out my Jolly Rancher and I don't know where it went."

"Just don't touch anything. That's your tutorial."

"We've got some pretty good straight-up chicken house photos."

"I can ruin everything you like."

"She worked like a hog, like a horse, like a hog-horse...Or whatever."

"She makes Eeyore look like Richard Simmons."

"I'm going to travel there by airliner which is what I call my bus."

"If you have enough alcohol in your system, nothing else can get in."

"I wish I had a bulldozer."

"It's not like somebody picked you for the job nobody wants."

"She puts the sin in synergy."

"I love a good howdy."

"How bout 20/20 hiney sight?"

"Oh, were you serious about that?"

"You have a bald spot in your fur pants."

"You really can't help but smile when someone is cursing yet pointing a possum at you."

"I mean, I'm all for pretending to be a squirrel wearing a bow tie on a bicycle, but there has to be a point."

"You spell like a spammer."

"I'm hot for bluegrass."

"That guy doesn't look real flexible to me."

"That’s a real sentence I, a grown human person, typed as part of the thing I do to earn a living."

"Are you good with a chainsaw?"

"I'm sorry to squirrels."

"What can we do that's not what we do?"

"I'm a Kevin Federline fan."

"Things have escalated dramatically in the toilet wars."

"Sorry, it was the condensed grilled cheese, not the toasted."

"You don't have your receipt? Well you're just AOL."

"Her fur is fantastic!"

"Christmas is a lifestyle, it doesn't abide by calendar dates."

"Are you making this up?"

"These words mean nothing to me."

"That's a complicated mental flow chart."

"She's what I call a chaotic neutral. She's not unpleasant crazy, just crazy."

"I would not buy a used toilet."

"I'm getting beeped at from all directions."

"That's not a logo, it's a collage."

"Whenever you butt into someone else's business, your grass doesn't get any greener... or whatever."

"You just interpret the world around you completely differently."

"The common thread is absurdity."

"There's some competition involved in being alive."

"She was professional, though. Just the one snort."

"Q. Is there something cooking in here? A. Yes, a turkey."

"Nothing says raw sex appeal like a dude in a tiara."

"That's about the tenth time someone's said Xanax to me this week."

"A briefcase is just a smaller, purse-y suitcase."

"If it's free, there's something wrong with it."

"These grudges aren't going to hold themselves."

"Oh, wait! I have an idea to solve the giraffes don't have arms problem."