"She's what I call a chaotic neutral. She's not unpleasant crazy, just crazy."

"I'm sorry to squirrels."

"Are you making this up?"

"Her fur is fantastic!"

"That's a complicated mental flow chart."

"I am woman, hear me craft."

"I'm going to travel there by airliner which is what I call my bus."

"It's not like somebody picked you for the job nobody wants."

"Kendal knocked the sticky note out for me."

"Whenever you butt into someone else's business, your grass doesn't get any greener... or whatever."

"There's some competition involved in being alive."

"I love a good howdy."

"I'm getting beeped at from all directions."

"You just interpret the world around you completely differently."

"The common thread is absurdity."

"A briefcase is just a smaller, purse-y suitcase."

"I just spit out my Jolly Rancher and I don't know where it went."

"I'm a Kevin Federline fan."

"I wish I had a bulldozer."

"People who won't eat a sandwich, I don't trust them."

"I can ruin everything you like."

"Do you want to be 'Googled' on your terms?"

"Are you good with a chainsaw?"

"Every day I find more evidence for my theory that people never evolve past 6th grade."

"I got caught in a clog mob on Halloween."

"She was professional, though. Just the one snort."

"I would not buy a used toilet."

"She makes Eeyore look like Richard Simmons."

"Oh, were you serious about that?"

"These words mean nothing to me."

"Q. Is there something cooking in here? A. Yes, a turkey."

"You really can't help but smile when someone is cursing yet pointing a possum at you."

"You are not allowed to be in on the jokes anymore."

"You don't have your receipt? Well you're just AOL."

"If it's free, there's something wrong with it."

"I'm hot for bluegrass."

"These grudges aren't going to hold themselves."

"Sorry, it was the condensed grilled cheese, not the toasted."

"That's your thing...Logic."

"She puts the sin in synergy."

"Hobby Lobby threw up in my trunk."

"You have a bald spot in your fur pants."

"You spell like a spammer."

"I'll be in charge of the balloon wall."

"That's about the tenth time someone's said Xanax to me this week."

"Things have escalated dramatically in the toilet wars."

"Christmas is a lifestyle, it doesn't abide by calendar dates."

"How bout 20/20 hiney sight?"

"That's not a logo, it's a collage."

"She worked like a hog, like a horse, like a hog-horse...Or whatever."

"If you have enough alcohol in your system, nothing else can get in."

"We've got some pretty good straight-up chicken house photos."

"That guy doesn't look real flexible to me."

"That’s a real sentence I, a grown human person, typed as part of the thing I do to earn a living."

"Just don't touch anything. That's your tutorial."

"I mean, I'm all for pretending to be a squirrel wearing a bow tie on a bicycle, but there has to be a point."

"Oh, wait! I have an idea to solve the giraffes don't have arms problem."

"What can we do that's not what we do?"

"I think we're almost ready to get completely started on that."

"Nothing says raw sex appeal like a dude in a tiara."